All right. So I’m back.. I’ve managed to grab a new pen from the desk drawer in this shitty little motel shanty. I still have the candles burning and I’m still sitting here on the bathroom floor jotting down the last accounts of my life before i go out and kill myself– Not like that mind you. I don’t believe in suicide. Not because of any fucked up religion, but because I happen to feel that if you kill yourself, you come back– that’s right, reincarnation. I think you come back, and you have to live your life over again until you make it through to the end. So, as shitty as my life as been I think you can see why I wouldn’t be eager to come back and repeat any of it. One time around the Ferris wheel is enough for me.
Anyway, where was I– Oh right. The flat and the dog and my degree.. Right. Well, I had barely been settled into this new place for a month, maybe two when I first met Isabel. She was gorgeous and funny and like all the cute girls I had ever known or crushed on before, she had a slew of male and even the handful of female admirers. HOW she wasn’t taken I had no idea, but a chance meeting at a cafe here in town lead to a more real date about a week later.
‘More real date’.. what the hell does that mean? Urg… anyway… That first chance encounter at the cafe– No wait, we met in the grocery store and then met AGAIN at the cafe.. my bad. Fuck, well anyway it doesn’t really matter where we met first (although I’m sure if she were here, Isabel would smack me and demand I tell it right. She always was a stickler for accuracy. I guess that’s why she went to school for accounting) just that we met and hit it off. I hate to come across like a stalker or something, but it’s hard– no, impossible not to notice a gorgeous woman who happens to live just a few apartments down from you and walks around her kitchen almost naked in the morning. And it doesn’t also help that the way my flat was located my bathroom window looked directly into her kitchen one.
I didn’t think she’d ever noticed me happening to watch her until that first real date when she made some sexy off hand comment about ‘well you seem to be fascinated by that robe, so I wore that, and only that whenever I thought you would be up about the same time as me’. She had me floored. HOW had she noticed and HOW had she guessed that I was gay? Maybe it was all the tacky rainbow shit I had plastered to the outside of my front door and all along the inside of my flat.. I don’t remember if I was really ‘proud’ about being gay, but I certainly wasn’t ashamed of it or anything I had done, and what better way to piss of the ignorant squares then to do that?
In any event, we met in the grocery store, browsing at some cupcake mixes, I happened to glance over and notice her- the same gorgeous girl from my apartment complex looking them over to. My heart nearly stopped. ‘Play it cool’. I tried to tell myself., swallowing hard, I smiled and looked over just as she reached for a box of the plain yellow mix and a jar of the chocolate frosting.
My favorite. Damn her.
“Good stuff.” I mumbled sheepishly, and she looked over, flashing me a big smile.
“Yeah it is. My favorite kind.” beaming at me, she turned and headed down the cereal isle. Sighing a little, I too grabbed a box of yellow cake mix and chocolate frosting, but instead of looking stalkerish, I turned down the tomato sauce/pizza sauce, Salad dressing isle and continued my shopping, though my mind was still on that girl and her pageant smile..
I check out, went home, put my junk away and focused on making dinner, taking a shower, then throwing myself into bed before work the next day. It wasn’t until a week later that I spotted her at the same cafe I happened to already be at. If I didn’t know better I would have sworn SHE was stalking ME and not the other way around, but in the end I had to figure she was new around the area or something and that ‘great minds think alike’ which was why we kept coming across each other in the same places. Plus weren’t stalkers supposed to be obsessed with the people they were talking? And like… go up to them and chat their ears off until the constables were called or something? That certainly wasn’t the case here, although when she wandered up to the cafe and browsed the menu written out on the chalk board thing, I couldn’t resist smiling. Drawing a breath, I looked up again and our eyes met.
“Oh hallo!” she waved, hesitantly stepping over. I’m sure she thought she would be bothering me or something, but that was far from the case.”You’re the girl from the store aren’t you? The one who asked me about my choice of cupcake batter..?”
I laughed and nodded.
“Yeah, that was me. Your decision looked good, so I bought some yellow mix too.”
Damn! Did I just give myself away? Would she think *I* was a stalker now?? That was all I needed. The only attractive woman in a hundred kilometers and I could have just scared her off by coming across as a window peeper or something…
“Good!” She laughed and looked back to the menu for a second. “Do you come here often?” she inquired and I once more nodded, helping myself to a visual graze of her body first however while she looked away. Hey- I can’t fucking help it, I’m human too, alright? Plus I happen to think I’m not nearly as bad as half the men who would be practically jerking off right there.
“Yeah.. Usually every Sunday and Wednesday. It’s not bad here, you should have something. They’re quite good. Even if all you’re looking for is a coffee or something.” I shrugged, managing to remember a smile so I didn’t immediately come across as a bitch.
“Oh good! I could use a cup. I… I hate to impose, but if you’re not waiting on anyone.. Would you mind?” she gestured to one of the empty chairs at my table.
This time I couldn’t keep the smile off my face and I nodded eagerly. “Of course, help yourself.”
Ah.. Fuck. Knocking at the door. I assume that’s my dinner, but if not it was nice knowing you.
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